ugh. so um. quickly scanning through my posts I don't think I even bothered to mention this guy before but like, now I just gotta. so yeah I work at a videostore in an ultra residential area. every once in a while I will get an extra serving of crazy via some mentally disturbed customer ( see this post ... urrgh ) but it's usually limited to moderate, manageable doses. I'm not easily intimidated, and I am too proud to show fear in most cases. /end disclamer
so there's this tall sketchy asshole who used to come to the store every Monday for 2for1. he'd usually rent 8-10 movies at a time & they'd all come back a week later covered in what I assume to be oil pastels. the first thing I noticed was the fact that this guy smells (and oh no i kid you not) of rotten meat. and this isn't just a vague sniff of rotten meat in passing. this is a 10 meter radius of fill-your-nostrils, make-you-cry stench. so as you can imagine by now, whenever he came in he made everyone uncomfortable and I truly couldn't wait for him to leave. at first, he wasn't much of a talker. he'd usually spend around 45mins choosing his pile of movies, pay for them & then gtfo. unfortunately, this changed about 2-3 months ago when his *conspiracies* started.
so yeah. it all started on the Sunday after the last *Free Film Friday* /won't go into details bout FFF basically all you need to know is there was a clear plastic box on the counter for donations to benefit a children's hospital. Smelly McCrazypants barges into the store all hysterical and shit claiming to have witnessed Pure Evil. he rambles on about how his eyes and mind have been tainted by the knowledge of this Terribly Unforgivable Deed~ and then cuts to the chase and accuses my Awesome Pregnant Manager of stealing 5$ from the charity fund. no no serious.
what actually happened was she needed some billz and had too many coins so she switched it up a bit. which is perfectly legal and no one gives a shit cause the amount remains the same. but this was too much of a rational explanation for Smelly McCrazypants. he refused to believe this scenario and instead went on an hour long rant about how some things should never be forgiven or forgotten / how if we let this slide our hearts will become cold, twisted and black / he's a good person he's just misunderstood / unspeakable evil is everywhere like dog feces polluting the streets and grass / we should really look up his daughter on fb an let her know he painted a mural for her at the food bank / his love for his daughter is unconditional and too pure for the world so the government took her away and his ex wife is a demonic crack head.
after that hour-long incoherent m i n d f u c k, Larry ( who also had the misfortune to witness everything ) and I decided it might be best to warn our Awesome Manager & Friend. we called her, she had a good laugh & that was that for 2+ weeks. by then we just assumed hey maybe he's back on the meds he clearly needs and all is well now.
wrong. he came back one Monday demanding a follow-up to the whole Five Dollar Theft Tragedy he had reported to us. I told him I had reported it to my superior and that it had been taken care of. hoping ( rather stupidly, I now realize ) that this would satisfy him enough to fucking cool it & put that shit to rest. he gave me another (shorter) lecture about how I must not let my soul be corrupt by the unspeakable evil that lurks behind every corner blah dee fucking blah. but he did eventually just gtfo. then he simply dissapeared for a good 2+ weeks. and we all just assumed he either moved/was institutionalized.
wrong. he came back last Monday with a shit storm of late fees. because he rents in such large quantities and some of those were new releases (4$/day in late fees) the total of all his late fees was pretty gargantuan. thankfully I wasn't alone that night and let BB Clem deal with him that time. and oh my god the excuses. like, I hear a lot of pretty colourful ones from people who try and gain sympathy/get their late fees erased. but man, true to his nature, he wouldn't shut up and gave us a graphic and incoherent account of how he was sick as a dog and vomiting into various household appliances and blah blah he's an honest person. Clem cut him an average deal on his lates and Smelly finally left us the fuck alone. and yeah, I was disappointed to see he wasn't actually institutionalized, but I figured at least I have another week before he comes back.
wrong. he came back yesterday. luckily I wasn't alone, Harry Kittens was there to keep me company. so I reluctantly go back to the counter where Smelly McCrazypants frantically asks me whois in charge of adding the late fees to a person's account... I proceed to calmly explain to him that none of us do, it is all calculated automatically by our computer system. this did not satisfy him. he then went on yet another one of his rants about how he believes we have a personal vendetta against him for trying to disrupt the status quo of our store (ugh whatever) and how he's on to us & our evil ways (double ugh whatever) but still comes in and starts to choose more movies. by this point, I truly just want to shut his account. he shouldn't even have an account. he doesn't have a phone or proper ID... when he opened his membership he gave us a 100$ deposit. and yeah, he's just sketchy as all fuck.
so he comes back with another fucking massive pile of movies, mumbles something else about how we're all cold and heartless, which I ignore. I did make a terrible mistake though - in an attempt to be kind to him although he in no way deserved it, I offered him an extension on a 1 day rental. that is where he lost his shit.he started accusing me of insulting his intelligence, being an accomplice to petty theft and being an all around satanic piece of trash.
and that's where I lost my cool. throughout his entire smearing campaign I had made a point to remain calm and rational no matter what garbage spewed out of his mouth. but like, no matter how zen I was he was still publicly bashing my Awesome Manager who really doesn't deserve any of these unjustified accusations. so I lost it.
I yelled something along the lines of how she's pregnant and deserves a lot more respect for putting up with his endless supply of shit and how I have tried to remain polite this entire time but fuck man it's been months fucking can it already. and then he got super agitated and (believe it or not) more incoherent than usual and I was like FUCK DIS SHIT and snatched all the movies he was wanted to rent out & put them in the return bin and he was all "I WANT MY MONEY BACK!" and then I was all red with fury, I grabbed his deposit shoved it in his face and screamed "HERE'S YOUR FUCKING DEPOSIT, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY BANNED, NEXT TIME I SEE YOUR FACE I AM CALLING THE FUCKING COPS. HOPE YOU HAVE BETTER LUCK ON NETFLIX, ASSHOLE." and he stormed out.
but of course, he was back 5mins later, asking me politely if i could send the cops to his home because he wants to discuss the whole Five Dollar Theft Tragedy with them because, get this: he wants to attempt to tarnish our name. staying true to my word, I called the cops. of course they were like LOL we aint going to pay him a visit so he can bore us with his crazy shitbag accusations. but they have a record of him being verbally abusive in our store. which, I guess is good for now. ugh.
I honestly just want a nice plain week with no CrazyShit, just leisure and sodapop and movies and my boyfriend. that's all. meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehp
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