oooooookay so lemme tell you 'bout last night. LAST NIGHT SUCKED. so Joe is back on tour, RyRy is driving them sooo I have the whole place to myself till Sunday~ yesterday was my first night alone and I had a closing shift from 5-10 at the vid store. I close alone yo. which is the Worst Idea Ever if you're like me and a creep magnet.
anyways, it started off pretty typcial. I got some (un)pleasantries from one of our regular douchebags, but nothing too serious. then maybe fifteen minutes before closing time I notice this guy at the back of the store staring at me. like, peeking over the shelves and looking at me. and ten minutes later, he hasn't moved. I noticed other customers seemed pretty fucking sketched out too. So I go up to him, all blah blah store is closing blah. I notice that he's not that much older than me. like I'd say 25-26 tops. he was dressed up all gangsta too, all baggy dark clothes. I instantly got bad vibes too, because he was acting real jittery and super nervous. He kept playing with his pants/belt anxiously. I started to suspect he might have a gun...
at this point, I go back to the counter and try to calm myself down. I don't want this guy to know I'm fucking terrified. I try to look occupied. He comes up to the counter and I look up and see that he's on his way out and as I drop my gaze I see PENIS. and honestly I was sooo fucking relieved. like, THANK GAWD all he wanted all this time was to show me his flaccid cock. No late nite robbery, just a little unwanted dick demonstration.
so he's pretty surprised by my reaction (or lack thereof). I guess he was expecting me to scream, or get angry or be at the very least a bit shocked by the whole thing. It was just so absurd I forgot to care. and goddamn I was just sooo fucking happy he didn't have a gun. he seemed to think I maybe didn't get a good look at it or something, so he lingered around a bit, pulling it in and out of his pants... but by this point, I just want to close up as fast as possible so I just go about my business as usual. this seemed to disappoint him, he finally tucked his flimsy genitals back in for good, whispered an oily "thank you" and left.
I am fortunate enough to have great customers, seconds later one of my Favorite Women In The World came in and told me that she had been waiting outside the whole time to make sure I was okay. my immediate reaction was OMG DID HE FLASH U TOO???? and she was all NO OMG EW but she did smell the sexual harassment in the air~ And I felt better, just knowing that if shit actually did go down she'd of been there to call the cops if was held at gunpoint. And I had a good laugh before texting my manager & female co-worker Larry Kittenface. (who has to close alone tonight too ah-haw...) they were all CALL DA POLEEECE!!! ...
& yeah at first I didn't want to. last time I called the cops over something like this, they weren't particularly helpful at all. they never caught the guy who was masturbating outside my window and they never pretended to care or show any kind of sympathy. basically, they seemed upset that I had made them come out so late. that time I felt violated and scared. this time however, two ladycops came to check on me and they were AWESOME. I gave them a detailed description of the guy and they told me right away that they think they might have a warrant for this guy's arrest. I'm not the only clerk he's played show&tell with apparently. I'm officially pressing charges. I might have to go to court in the next six months. so yeah. that's the story of how my life went all Law&Order SVU on a Tuesday night. so yeah. all this to say, not all cops are assholes and you should always give 'em a shout in these situations 'cause you never know. I still kinda wish they gave me a ride home though. that would've been pretty bad ass.
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