nothing fits, nothing feels right. it's all a blurry crooked mess and as much as i don't want to sound like a whiny pile of complaints, i kinda don't wanna deal anymore. it's a nice empty hole and and i am so close to flat out giving up on it.
i know the decisions we made in may were for the best, this way neither of us will hold the other back and there will be no growing resentment between us. it's always better to end on a good note, i have done it twice this summer and i stand by my choices. but oh fuck i miss his curly whiskers and the smell of salt. september is approaching and it makes me wanna hurl.
and i totally get it, but i truly wish you'd answer my emails. please please please
it feels weird and unknown and it provides me with nothing but discomfort.
i don't find any comfort in strangers. i just don't. i don't want anything from anyone. i am tired of this overwhelming need to distract myself. i want something i can concentrate on that doesn't make me sick to my stomach.
these next few days are going to be dedicated to work and moving. by next weekend i will be getting wasted in my new apartment, celebrating Asana's birth. words cannot express how much i am looking forward to that. i will transform my new room into a haven of whimsical pink femininity.
who knows, maybe i will even temporarily stop saturating my mind with overly dramatic reality tv.
although everything feels like an effort right now, i know that it is only a matter of time before i get right back into the hang of things.
Je te trouve tellement merveilleuse, même quand ca va pas. Si seulement je pouvais t'expliquer. Poste toujours, je te lis tout le temps.
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