i wish Ezra had a happier mama who didn't have to work so much and who could spend sunny afternoons with him more often. i wish one of the old creeps who sexually harasses me at the videostore was actually an eccentric billionaire who's planning on providing me with all the $$$ i need to pay my bills and fly off to wherever whenever. again, i wish i could turn all this sadness into cake. and i wasn't expecting much, but i dropped my friend to console you so when it was my turn to need help, a hug would've been nice. i promise i wouldn't of gotten snot on your new sweater or embarrassed you in any way. i wish my small dead-end job was enough and i wish i didn't have to work nights alone. i truly hope she (or you, or he) doesn't resent me for it. and i know its just one of dem dayz and that tomorrow will be sunny and better or whatever. but right now i just feel empty and unwanted and unlovable. i am just drowning in my fears and insecurities. it really doesn't help that Joe is so far away. and i really just feel incapable.
i know this isn't the first or last time. and i know that no one noticed or made a conscious effort to make me feel this way. i am not upset or angry at anyone either. i just want to crawl under a rock and sleep for a thousand years. sorry sorry sorry sorry etc
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